Feelings
 

I felt this mood hit me hard..I couldn't shake the darkness that I felt.
Although, the sun was shinning bright,something just didn't seem right.
I felt the loneliness, I could hardly bare. 
Felt as if nobody cared. 
Felt so alone and scared, with nobody to share my feelings with.
 

I was so down and feeling low..I had no where I could go.
Nobody I could talk to..
I felt the hurt so deep inside me, all I could do was cry.
Crying, became my only friend we seemed to walk hand and hand.

Nobody, could understand why I kept crying.
It, was a feeling deep inside me.
I was grieving so, over the passing of my mother. 
I was as lonely as any human could be for my mothers, arms to be wrapped around me. 
I kept crying, saying to myself, someone hear me please.
I feel like I'm dieing..Help me ~ help me please
 

I was being thrown in the pits of darkness where I stayed most nights and days.
Nothing seemed to matter to me.
It felt like every emotion was gone from me, 
Only the  emotion of sadness left inside of me.
Something deep inside me felt so bad. 
I couldn't deny I really had to keep trying to make it through another day.
I felt so hopeless, I began to pray.
It seemed I prayed from morning to night
Asking the Lord, not to let me go crazy or die.

The feeling that really scared me was, everything seemed to be in slow motion.
This feeling scared me so much. 
As much as I tried, I just couldn't stop this horrible,  feeling.
I had no control over it.
It  had complete control over me. 
It was swallowing me in pure darkness. 
I began to pray and pray, I was so scared.
Weeks passed by.
 

From somewhere deep inside me I began to hear
It is a brand new day not to be spent in your room
Alone, away from your family and friends.

Get up, .Get up, I say..
You, are loved so much by me and your family, your friends.
Let me put my arms around you,
My arms are forever around you protecting you, and loving you.
Something  you should always remember child.
I'm with you night and day.
You are never,  never alone.

Now, go wash your face, comb your hair.
Don't be afraid, I'm right here.
When I came back, it was at least a start, my face was washed and my hair was combed. 
Praise the Lord!
 I began to cry oceans and oceans of tears.
I let out all my fears I was keeping inside,
The Lord listened,  as he held me tight and said 
"You are fine.  It will take some time for your grieving to pass but you will indeed mend.
One day at a time child.  One day at a time.
Your broken heart will mend in it's own time.  This I promise you.
Just believe".

So please, when your down and things really seem hopeless, 
Please remember they are not. 
It is only a feeling that is making you feel that way. 
It is only your heart feeling sore
And feeling the urge to cry over something that has pinched your soul for a while.
Call the Lords sweet name.
He'll be right there with you, with his loving arms to surround you.

He'll touch your heart right from the very start. 
You will feel so loved just by calling his name.
You will feel a certain strength within you, in your heart and soul.
Your broken heart will mend, no need to live in fear ever.
Someone really cares, someone loves you more than love.
It is your Heavenly Father!.."
God bless you, always "

My Note Today: 
I thank God, I got better and better everyday.
I didn't try to rush it.
I let myself heal, I took all the time I needed.
Time has passed by and I still miss my mother with all my heart.
But, I know she knows this. 
Just like I know without a doubt, I feel her so much around me everyday..

  I truly believe in my heart and soul, my mother is here with us.
I believe we just can't see them, but, they can see us.
Lord  knows we can feel them around us.  I sure do.
They  watch over us and still love us with all their heart.
I know how much I am truly blessed, with a mother who loved her children so deeply.
It wasn't long before I was able to smile, laugh and love so much again. 
The Lord, was blessing me with a precious baby. 
A baby boy, who  made me smile and laugh so much again.

He is eighteen now. 
I'm blessed with such a respectable, kindhearted, loving son, 
Who still makes me smile and laugh everyday. 
I haven't a clue why or what I done to deserve all these blessings. 
I'm  just so thankful. 
I  just know in my heart my mother, asked the Lord, to bless me with a baby. 
A  baby of my own.
God. bless her. I just know she did..
 

~  XxSuNkiSsx   a.k.a. Betty ~
All rights reserved ~ June 9, 2003
Read more of Betty's poetry Here